Why sharing is about more than just letting off steam

I recently came across a sentence in a blog post that got me thinking: Sometimes we unload our experiences and frustrations of the day onto our partner, hoping to simply "get it all off our chest" and feel better, without realising that we sometimes lose connection in the process. The unspoken expectation behind this is: “Now it's your turn — see how you deal with it.”

I asked myself: Do I do that too?

Yes. I often come home in the evening and talk in great detail about the frustrating or stressful experiences I've had during the day. These stories take up a lot of space and time. But what am I actually trying to say? Do I just want to let off steam, or do I also want to connect with my partner?

Searching for a different way to talk about our days, I remembered an exercise from our circle of friends. Everyone shares one highlight and one lowlight of their day. The important thing is that you can't share a lowlight without also sharing a highlight.

So we started doing this exercise regularly at dinner. It has noticeably changed our conversations, making them more balanced, open and positive. Everyone gets a chance to speak. One-sided “venting" has turned into real dialogue.

Why it works:

In a relationship, talking is not just about venting your frustrations; it's also about staying connected. True intimacy develops when both partners feel seen, not just the one speaking.

Psychologist Alfred Adler once described this attitude as follows: 'See with the eyes of the other, hear with the ears of the other, and feel with the heart of the other.'

When applied to a relationship, this means: It's not just about talking about what's on your mind; it's also about leaving room to ask how your partner is doing. When we come home in the evening and 'unload' our day onto our partner without filtering what we say, an imbalance can quickly arise. One person talks and the other listens, often feeling exhausted and sometimes overwhelmed.

Rituals such as sharing a highlight and a lowlight can help to create a more balanced framework. They remind us that we are having a joint conversation, not two separate monologues. This transforms frustrated communication into togetherness, listening into a form of affection and everyday conversations into an opportunity for relationships to grow.

Action point:

You may have the opportunity to try this out tonight. Instead of just chatting away, take a moment to share a highlight and a lowlight of your day, and encourage your conversation partner to do the same.

You will notice that:

🌱 Conversations become easier.

💬 Everyone gets a chance to speak.

🤝 And you will learn to see the day from not only your own perspective, but also from the other person's point of view.

Remember, listening is more than just waiting for your turn to speak. It is a gift.

Just like any gift, it has the greatest impact when you share it.