Battery level: small routines that save our relationship

My husband and I are standing together in the kitchen in the evening, preparing dinner. When he asks me a question, I answer briefly and concisely in a slightly irritated tone. He doesn't respond.

Later, during dinner, I apologise, explaining that I didn't mean to snap at him like that. He accepts my apology and thanks me.

A little later, he asks, smiling: “Tell me, was it really about the butter, or was there something else behind it?”

The fact that we can discuss such moments so calmly today is not something that should be taken for granted. In the past, we would probably have ended up arguing about something completely irrelevant.

In blogs and podcasts, I have repeatedly come across the metaphor of a 'weather report'. However, I like another metaphor even more: the personal energy battery level. Just as a mobile phone battery discharges during the day, our energy levels decrease too. Sometimes, by evening, we feel like our battery is at 3% and we still have to look after the children, do the housework and be friendly. It's no wonder we react more irritably in such moments.

The idea is simple but effective: if I know how much energy my partner has left, I can be considerate and adjust my expectations or take on tasks. This isn't because someone is in a 'bad mood', but because their energy levels are low.

A simple routine can help: send a quick update shortly before you see each other. No long explanations or justifications. A few words or a number are enough. For example: “After today, I'm left with 45%.”

This way, the other person knows where they stand. A tired sigh won't automatically lead to conflict.

✨ Try it out!

Send your partner a quick message today to let them know your 'battery level'.

Then observe how your evening changes together.

You can talk about what caused the battery to run out later that evening or the next morning. Initially, however, the aim of this technique is to relieve the pressure of having to explain or justify yourself; it's simply about being allowed to come home and be picked up by your partner. This creates space to take a deep breath before words become necessary. Understanding often grows not from quick explanations, but from the feeling of being seen when there is hardly any energy left.

It's often the small gestures that create closeness, like saying, “I see you and I care about you.”