Why should we learn to listen again?

I recently attended a meeting at work. I wanted to suggest a way of simplifying a process. As soon as I started talking, the same person interrupted me several times. I asked several times: “Wait a minute.” “Let me finish.” But I could hardly get a word in. By the time I've finally finished, I can see that the person is just waiting to criticise my idea. 🤯

I ask myself: What happened to our listening skills?

I am also addressing myself when I write this. I, too, find myself becoming impatient when someone talks for a long time because I want to express my own opinion or talk about myself. But is my opinion really always that important?

This reminds me of something I learnt at the Academy for Individual Psychology. At the time, it sounded nice, but theoretical. Today, however, I know how practical it is.

Alfred Adler said: “See with the eyes of the other, hear with the ears of the other, and feel with the heart of the other.”

By this, he meant that we should try to perceive the world as the other person experiences it for a moment. For him, this is the essence of empathy and the foundation of any healthy relationship.

True listening means hearing and understanding the feelings behind the words. This is something that is often lacking today.

Perhaps it is because we are taught to focus primarily on our own needs. We have to fight to be seen and heard because we all need external recognition.

As Dieter Wartenweiler writes, this need for recognition is human and corresponds to our nature as social beings. (Men in Their Prime: From Midlife Crisis to Mature Personality. Kösel, Munich, 1998).

However, when this need takes over, we trample everything that stands in our way. We lose our connection with one another and retreat into our own worlds.

For relationships to work, we need interest, understanding and empathy. It starts with learning to listen, to see and perceive one another again. It's not always about you! However, you also have your place and are entitled to contribute.

👂Your listening challenge:

The next time you have a conversation, whether in your personal or professional life, simply listen.

Don't think of any objections or counterarguments, and don't think “yes, but...”. Imagine you're hearing things through the other person's ears, as if you were inside their head. Only once they have finished speaking should you think about what you want to say.

You'll be surprised at how the conversation changes and how the other person feels.

Listening is an art. It costs nothing except a little patience. 😅